Guilty Pleasures

We all have these, those programmes that you quickly change the channel on or pretend to be scrolling and not paying attention if anybody else is around. Since moving back home and due to my family being very close and open I have realised that my list of guilty pleasures has expanded hugely since moving out and having so much time to procrastinate from doing work. So heres a list of the things that I have realised are my guilty pleasures.

1. Teen Mom - The OG series that has been on MTV recently has been my cociane, I LIVE for the drama. Also its a little like cribs in that you get a good look around their actual house not just a screen set, I don't know why but I just like to look at peoples houses. 
2. Diners Drive-Ins and Dives - I have no explanation for this, I don't know how I found it but I can not  stop watching. These american diners are the things of my dreams, the huge portions of deep fried whatever accompanied by milkshakes I would be happy to drown in. 
3. Online shopping  - I'm sure everybody loves a bit of this but I feel it has gone a bit far in my case. On any given shopping website my basket will be brimming with things. My ebay basket is the most eclectic mix of house, beauty, clothes. Top of the list pay day is currently a humidifier, I feel like it might be life changing...
4. Shania Twain - We all know it and we all do it but its slightly less acceptable to be hollering and screaming along that I feel like a woman with elderly neighbours and not more students doing similar things.
5. Teen movies - the last thing played on my Netflix account was Lizzie Mcguire, when she went to Rome and impersonated a successful pop star. It was strangely satisfying but I shan't be telling a soul. 
6. Pintrest - Lord help me if my mother ever finds my pintrest, I've managed to plan two weddings a winter and a summer option despite not being engaged. I've also designed and decorated a few different houses depending on where about I end up. Shamefully I also have a board of puppies, I don't know why I feel the need to keep track of these puppy pictures but I do and it brings me happiness. 

That is all I'm willing to confess to at the minute.. 

xo

The Dream...... Prada Saffiano.

Allow me to be the first to say that I am a spoilt. My mum and dad love me far too much, they have always given me everything I have ever wanted. This is the latest thing that I was wanted as then given for my 22nd birthday. 

This is the Prada Saffiano in Talco white with gold hardwear. I have been lusting after one of these for a good while now, originally the black was my 'dream' but after examining my 'collection' I have decided that there is an awful lot of black there and whilst I can tell the difference between them I don't have much variety. This is a little off white, the top picture is a very accurate colour representation, I am trying to be very very careful with it and after just over a month I can happily (ecstatically) say that I haven't stained it one bit. The feet on the bottom do help to keep it off the ground when I have nowhere else to put it and my boyfriend calls me ridiculous having it on my knee like a baby. 

The bag itself has three sections, the central section has a zip so I have my purse in there. It has another side zip section for other things you may want to keep safe, its very functional and has more than enough space for all of the necessary junk that tI haul about on a day to day basis. The only thing I would say that it is incredibly heavy, this obviously isn't helped by me packing it with enough 'just incase' items to last me a decade but even empty it is a weighty purse. I prefer to wear it on the elbow however it does have a detachable shoulder strap for the days when it weighs in over the amount my arms can manage. All in all I would highly recommend one if you want a day to day bag with enough structure to not look like a sac but enough slouch to avoid the work bag feel. I have been eyeing up the red version for winter but I think one girl can only be so lucky in one life time. 

Apparently this is me excited. 

So...

Today I just wanted to write, I have had a tricky past few weeks and I wanted to talk about how sometimes, infact rather often life is hard. 
I'm not talking about huge life events, I don't mean family losses, life changing injuries or terminal illness. I want to talk about how life can just get you down. My university days are over and although I can not  say I had the greatest time at uni I feel a hole. Don't get me wrong my family are warm, loving, supportive, everything you could want in a family. There are no screaming rows, stilted silences no tension over household chores or messy rooms. However since moving home I have felt distinctively flat, empty, grey. Something about not having the buzz of the Spotify top 50 playlist frequently punctuated by tuneless singing of often the wrong words, the constant footsteps and storming up and down the stairs and the all too often scream when a spider or far too often a mouse crept out of its lair (thank you brilliant student housing for that one). I know that I just need to get used to a different normal, after three years of accepting the singing, banging, mess, underwear everywhere I suppose its natural to miss it now. 
I've never had many friends, at school I got on with people but never bonded, never saw anybody socially, they were just people I ate lunch with. The true friends I have I could count on one hand (that's including my boyfriend and my cousin) and whilst I know should any of the three shattering things I first listed ever happen to me they would support without hesitation, I must admit to feeling alone. People have lives, jobs, families, they aren't always available when you might need a quick pick me up chat, in that sense university is very much a parallel universe. Whilst there I lived with girls who were all on the same course as I, we were all on the same timetable, we were together every second of every day, not least because we weren't very good at shutting doors when we were on the toilet or in the shower. That type of constant companionship is I feel what I am missing, I have forgotten how to be alone. 
I know a common theme nowadays is to blame social media and I didn't want to be that person. LORD knows I love social media, I live my life on it, like so many of us now do. I have thought long and hard about this, the reason for this empty alone sensation and although I know the root of my feeling is the adaptation to living at home I feel that social media is a factor. The constant stream of happy smiling people, laughing with friends and family makes me distinctively aware of the absence of such in mine. I am aware that nobody snapchats or instagrams or twitpics when they are sat alone on the sofa watching KUWTK reruns from 2009 eating the very last of the unwanted christmas chocolate, (bountys I'm looking at you) but that is a difficult thing to remember when you are doing just that. I don't blame social media for my feelings but I will say that to me they are a trigger, much like recovering addicts have things that make them want to replapse I've never felt more alone than when waking up and doing the morning scroll through every platform. 
This post isn't going anywhere, I haven't found any magical solution to this, there is no resolution just moaning and droaning but I wanted to talk about it and although I know nobody or very few people read this if you feel the same way know that you are not alone despite what you may think at the time.