Breaking Up

I think at the beginning of every relationship you think you will be with that person for the rest of your life, you think you will die holding their hand and the last thing you hear on gods green earth will be them telling you that they love you but that doesn't always happen.

This one for me has come right out of the blue, if you asked me this time last week I would have said no way in hell! Not a hope, he loves me, I love him, unless something BAD happens we are solid as a rock. Well that all changed and now its the first of the month and I'm trying to get back into the 'single' mentality. 

My and I think everybody's knee jerk reaction is to get back in the horse and get going, meet somebody new, take your mind off it. But hind sight is beautiful and cruel and tells me that this doesn't go very well, EVER. So I'm sitting here, having three days earlier bought my now ex boyfriend the pair of boots he said he liked the look of for winter staring at them hating them and hating that I now have to return them, how cruel life can be. But the crucial thing here is that I am sitting here alone, I've said before on this blog that I don't have a wide friendship circle, I have less than a handful of people to whom I am totally honest and that handful is now another one down. How do you fill the hole that opens when your significant other leaves you? 

We all know that as an adult you have to sensor yourself for certain people, you turn up for sunday roast at your grandmothers with a below the knee dress and a sweet smile, your potty mouth replaced temporarily with the vocabulary of a 7 year old, all rainbows and sunshine. He was one of only 3 people for whom I never bothered to think what word or phrase was going to come out of my mouth, he was the person I told every tiny detail of my life too, we regularly had conversations about what we had for dinner or the fact that there was a bird sat in the garden for 3 whole minutes! We all expect certain things out of life, the luxury of living in the west in a  well developed country means we all expect electricity and food and water and I also expected that along side that my life would always contain him. 

Being the standard millennial the first thing I did when I managed to stop shaking and crying was to google 'how to get over somebody' not surprisingly for 201, 318,000,000 results popped up. The very first is a website for professional counselling, I considered a click but decided I wasn't quite that bad as yet and should maybe wait till I had attempted going it alone. Theres then a few articles from Cosmo, which i hovered over but decided against. Then theres good old WikiHow! the saviour of many of my culinary disasters and so clearly a reliable source in this instance! The first few bullet points I take as a good point, let it out, don't get angry and frustrated, indulge yourself you are going through a hard time... then bullet number 5 I had a slight issue with, it caused a narrowing of my eyes followed by a raised eyebrow. The suggestion is to 'Listen to Happy Music' pardon?! what constitutes happy music? is this a hidden break up genre hidden from the coupled population till the need arises? Much of the rest is common sense, don't stalk them on social media, don't lurk outside their house throwing eggs, keep busy, take up knitting, throw away the 299 photos of you kissing. 

Anyway the point of this wasn't to throw shade at WikiHow, lord knows I LOVE it. The purpose was for me to admit to myself that I am single again and I am ok. I'm breathing and walking and talking and hopefully in the next 17-20 days I will crack a smile. So as per the highly scientific recommendations, I am off to indulge myself, I deserve to crack a smile and nothing brings a smile to my face faster than a new lipstick! 

xx

Guilty Pleasures

We all have these, those programmes that you quickly change the channel on or pretend to be scrolling and not paying attention if anybody else is around. Since moving back home and due to my family being very close and open I have realised that my list of guilty pleasures has expanded hugely since moving out and having so much time to procrastinate from doing work. So heres a list of the things that I have realised are my guilty pleasures.

1. Teen Mom - The OG series that has been on MTV recently has been my cociane, I LIVE for the drama. Also its a little like cribs in that you get a good look around their actual house not just a screen set, I don't know why but I just like to look at peoples houses. 
2. Diners Drive-Ins and Dives - I have no explanation for this, I don't know how I found it but I can not  stop watching. These american diners are the things of my dreams, the huge portions of deep fried whatever accompanied by milkshakes I would be happy to drown in. 
3. Online shopping  - I'm sure everybody loves a bit of this but I feel it has gone a bit far in my case. On any given shopping website my basket will be brimming with things. My ebay basket is the most eclectic mix of house, beauty, clothes. Top of the list pay day is currently a humidifier, I feel like it might be life changing...
4. Shania Twain - We all know it and we all do it but its slightly less acceptable to be hollering and screaming along that I feel like a woman with elderly neighbours and not more students doing similar things.
5. Teen movies - the last thing played on my Netflix account was Lizzie Mcguire, when she went to Rome and impersonated a successful pop star. It was strangely satisfying but I shan't be telling a soul. 
6. Pintrest - Lord help me if my mother ever finds my pintrest, I've managed to plan two weddings a winter and a summer option despite not being engaged. I've also designed and decorated a few different houses depending on where about I end up. Shamefully I also have a board of puppies, I don't know why I feel the need to keep track of these puppy pictures but I do and it brings me happiness. 

That is all I'm willing to confess to at the minute.. 

xo

The Dream...... Prada Saffiano.

Allow me to be the first to say that I am a spoilt. My mum and dad love me far too much, they have always given me everything I have ever wanted. This is the latest thing that I was wanted as then given for my 22nd birthday. 

This is the Prada Saffiano in Talco white with gold hardwear. I have been lusting after one of these for a good while now, originally the black was my 'dream' but after examining my 'collection' I have decided that there is an awful lot of black there and whilst I can tell the difference between them I don't have much variety. This is a little off white, the top picture is a very accurate colour representation, I am trying to be very very careful with it and after just over a month I can happily (ecstatically) say that I haven't stained it one bit. The feet on the bottom do help to keep it off the ground when I have nowhere else to put it and my boyfriend calls me ridiculous having it on my knee like a baby. 

The bag itself has three sections, the central section has a zip so I have my purse in there. It has another side zip section for other things you may want to keep safe, its very functional and has more than enough space for all of the necessary junk that tI haul about on a day to day basis. The only thing I would say that it is incredibly heavy, this obviously isn't helped by me packing it with enough 'just incase' items to last me a decade but even empty it is a weighty purse. I prefer to wear it on the elbow however it does have a detachable shoulder strap for the days when it weighs in over the amount my arms can manage. All in all I would highly recommend one if you want a day to day bag with enough structure to not look like a sac but enough slouch to avoid the work bag feel. I have been eyeing up the red version for winter but I think one girl can only be so lucky in one life time. 

Apparently this is me excited. 

So...

Today I just wanted to write, I have had a tricky past few weeks and I wanted to talk about how sometimes, infact rather often life is hard. 
I'm not talking about huge life events, I don't mean family losses, life changing injuries or terminal illness. I want to talk about how life can just get you down. My university days are over and although I can not  say I had the greatest time at uni I feel a hole. Don't get me wrong my family are warm, loving, supportive, everything you could want in a family. There are no screaming rows, stilted silences no tension over household chores or messy rooms. However since moving home I have felt distinctively flat, empty, grey. Something about not having the buzz of the Spotify top 50 playlist frequently punctuated by tuneless singing of often the wrong words, the constant footsteps and storming up and down the stairs and the all too often scream when a spider or far too often a mouse crept out of its lair (thank you brilliant student housing for that one). I know that I just need to get used to a different normal, after three years of accepting the singing, banging, mess, underwear everywhere I suppose its natural to miss it now. 
I've never had many friends, at school I got on with people but never bonded, never saw anybody socially, they were just people I ate lunch with. The true friends I have I could count on one hand (that's including my boyfriend and my cousin) and whilst I know should any of the three shattering things I first listed ever happen to me they would support without hesitation, I must admit to feeling alone. People have lives, jobs, families, they aren't always available when you might need a quick pick me up chat, in that sense university is very much a parallel universe. Whilst there I lived with girls who were all on the same course as I, we were all on the same timetable, we were together every second of every day, not least because we weren't very good at shutting doors when we were on the toilet or in the shower. That type of constant companionship is I feel what I am missing, I have forgotten how to be alone. 
I know a common theme nowadays is to blame social media and I didn't want to be that person. LORD knows I love social media, I live my life on it, like so many of us now do. I have thought long and hard about this, the reason for this empty alone sensation and although I know the root of my feeling is the adaptation to living at home I feel that social media is a factor. The constant stream of happy smiling people, laughing with friends and family makes me distinctively aware of the absence of such in mine. I am aware that nobody snapchats or instagrams or twitpics when they are sat alone on the sofa watching KUWTK reruns from 2009 eating the very last of the unwanted christmas chocolate, (bountys I'm looking at you) but that is a difficult thing to remember when you are doing just that. I don't blame social media for my feelings but I will say that to me they are a trigger, much like recovering addicts have things that make them want to replapse I've never felt more alone than when waking up and doing the morning scroll through every platform. 
This post isn't going anywhere, I haven't found any magical solution to this, there is no resolution just moaning and droaning but I wanted to talk about it and although I know nobody or very few people read this if you feel the same way know that you are not alone despite what you may think at the time.  

The 'I Have Over Slept' Make-up

Although I am a granny at heart and love my cup of tea at seven accompanied with a rich tea biscuit or two or twelve rapidly followed by my head hitting the pillow, meaning I am generally asleep by nine-thirty, I still suffer those days where my lecture begins at ten and I'm still unconscious till nine fifteen. These all too often late, gorggy and rude awakenings leave me with only thirty minutes to leave the house, this is time for some seriously rapid face application. 

1. Base - Concealer, tap a pea size amount of Make Up Forever Full Cover on my blemishes and under my eyes where I get the tell tale darkness. My saviour 
2. Set - Estee Lauder Loose Powder, all over very quickly. It is translucent so not too much can go wrong here. 
3. Colour - I need this, when tired I go pale and look sickly pale like a ghost who has never seen the sun. Current fave is the bare minerals original foundation in medium tan. Being a foundation is gives a nice skin finish thats not so matt that I look like an over baked cake and but the tiny bits of glitter don't make me look like a disco ball that rolled to the beach. 
4. Eyes - byTerry ombre black star in misty rock, this was a recommendation from a lovely lady at Space NK and after reading so much about on the blogs I couldn't resist. The purple/pink undertone really compliments my brown eyes, the metallic finish gives people the impression that I spent time on my make up, the only other thing I need is a bit of black pencil on my outer corner and ALOT of mascara. 
5. Brows - my brows are one of those things that could either take one minute or twenty depending on the day and how long it has been since my last threading appointment. On the days when I'm in a rush I prefer to not go into it so is a quick swipe of the Maybelline brow drama in dark brown. 
6. Lip - on these days lip liner and lipstick is not my friend, on days when I get up late there is no hope that I would be able to apply a lip without getting it over the entire surface of my face, teeth included. So I go kind of retro and wear just lipgloss. Current favourite is Lancome Juicy Tube in Fraise, yes it is sticky but the shimmer, I think, wakes me up a bit. 

Spring Selection : An update for the 'warmth' thats coming.

Living in England the coming of warmth makes me more excited than the prospect of chocolate fondant puddings. These are my spring updates to prepare me for the April showers and transition my black and grey jumpers to spring.. 

As aforementioned spring is dicey in England, one moment LOVELY blue skies a blink later and its all gone down hill the sun has disappeared, its bitterly cold and raining so this would be perfect protection. Pastel is not usually my thing but this blue with some boyfriend fit cropped white jeans, vans and a grey tee.. I feel it. Available here for £65. 

This I am in love with. I love the casual fit, the slouch, the simplicity of stripes, the keyhole at the back, the mid length sleeve perfect for excluding the spring chill. Its just perfect, right now I wear it with tights and a camel coat and in the spring I can see it with white vans or gladiator sandals with a red lip and some huge sunglasses. Available here for £20 which is an excellent price. 

This are £205 which is a lot but I am in love with these. I have tried them on 4/5 times in store and as soon as I can save up enough I will be skipping, running snapping them up and then never taking them off my face every again. Available here. 

I feel like these are going to be perfect for late spring when it has properly warmed up and I am at less of a risk of frost bite. I love the tan and the neutral tone means they can be worn with anything all summer long. Available here for £38. 

Lastly for now because my overdraft can only handle so much stress is the smash box photo finish more than primer blemish control, I vaguely remember having a sample of this last summer and thinking it was amazing for when my skin goes a bit crazy greasy when it first gets warmer so I will be purchasing to see if it works or if I have my wires crossed. Get it here.

Oh Dear

Oh dear, despite all of my aims for the new year I have failed. So I thought I would do a post about how awfully I am doing at sticking to my new years resolutions after a full two months. 

1. My highly aspirational first resolution was to blog twice a week. FAIL, unbelievable fail. I got caught up in moving back to university and then I was sucked up by lectures, dissertations and a lot of netflix, more specifically gossip girl. 
2. Secondly was to drink more water. I am a tea girl, I love tea. (strong with half a sugar) But tea isn't so great for the colour of my teeth or hydration due to the diuretic which makes me need to pee about 20 minutes after finishing my mug. Although I have bought a lovely water bottle to cary round with me, making my water more accessible, I find myself emptying a full bottle and replenishing it and ignoring it. 
3. Clearing out. Again another astronomical fail, over the last two months I have accumulated more things that I neither need or sometimes even want. At present there is a H&M bag hanging on the back of my door, in it are two dressed I bought didn't like and meant to take back, the receipt says Jan 5th, this happens to me so much because I hate taking things back nd I forget to everytime. I desperately need to get all of my clothes out and look at them and throw 80% of them away or give them to charity. My hoarding tendencies have been exacerbated by moving to university. I have clothes here, at my parents, at my boyfriends all places that I am at so frequently that I like to keep things there so I buy doubles of things I like and leave them in these 'key' locations in my mind. The buying of doubles is also extended to candles which is often more painful on my student bank balance. 
4. Wearing less make up, this has been the most difficult, I sit down at my dressing table thinking I'm only going to tesco so jus tinted moisturiser and mascara then I get a little bit excited and before you know it I have a full face of make up on like I'm going on a crazy night out clubbing. Glitter, contour, the full lot. So a fail on this front too. 

After listing all of these failures I feel a renewed burst of commitment to at least conquer one of these in the remaining 10 months of the year. I'll post an update in another few months to solidify the fact that I am still failing. 

A Begining

I have been a huge supporter of blogs and the blogging community for a long time now, almost 7 years which is  unbelievable and makes me feel so so old. I have wanted to start blogging for a long time just as a way to record things which are interesting to me even if they are silly things like what lipstick I have been loving or what I have enjoyed eating or seeing.  I want to record parts of my life on the eternal internet for review in later weeks or years and thats what I am hoping to begin now.

I always think the most difficult thing about anything is the starting, take for instance getting of the sofa to make a cup of tea; always a nightmare for me. So to be off at a flying start in the new year I thought I should just write down anything now so that I have at least started.

Its currently 20 days till christmas the biggest and best thing about the cold and rain of winter. I'm crazy excited but completely under prepared, I've most certainly covered my darling boyfriend and my beloved cousin. Unfortunately I am woefully unprepared for the rest of the people in my little world. My wishlist is as always as long as my arm, only encouraged by the reading of gift guides and general pintrest stalking. Top of the list this year is the Phillip Lim 3.1 Pashli, which is hella expensive but after reading a very favourable review on Laura's Blog I just think it is the perfect bag for me. One can only hope that I have been nice enough this year to warrant such an extravagant gift!

The Bag That Dreams Are Made Of

Getting in the Christmas spirit was most certainly helped along by visiting the Coca-Cola truck when it was parked nearby last week. There was fake snow and songs at lots of people soaking up the atmosphere, drinking free coke and taking selfies.

Looking past Christmas I am throughly looking forward to new years eve this year, its not something I am usually too bothered about I tend to just pop myself off to bed at my usual granny time of 10pm and wake up to a new day much like every other. This year, however, all the people I love are coming together to celebrate in a charming little cottage in the welsh village of Port Meirion.  I can not wait and as my cousins and I grow older and move out and away I know these will be the memories we cherish, much like we fondly recall the indoor picnics of our childhood when it was too cold outside and paddling in the lake naked when we went for summer BBQ's. 

Thats all for now, hopefully I will be able to et into a little routine writing at least two posts a week about whatever is tickling my pickle at the time. 

Welcome to my little head space.. 

Sophie xo