Breaking Up

I think at the beginning of every relationship you think you will be with that person for the rest of your life, you think you will die holding their hand and the last thing you hear on gods green earth will be them telling you that they love you but that doesn't always happen.

This one for me has come right out of the blue, if you asked me this time last week I would have said no way in hell! Not a hope, he loves me, I love him, unless something BAD happens we are solid as a rock. Well that all changed and now its the first of the month and I'm trying to get back into the 'single' mentality. 

My and I think everybody's knee jerk reaction is to get back in the horse and get going, meet somebody new, take your mind off it. But hind sight is beautiful and cruel and tells me that this doesn't go very well, EVER. So I'm sitting here, having three days earlier bought my now ex boyfriend the pair of boots he said he liked the look of for winter staring at them hating them and hating that I now have to return them, how cruel life can be. But the crucial thing here is that I am sitting here alone, I've said before on this blog that I don't have a wide friendship circle, I have less than a handful of people to whom I am totally honest and that handful is now another one down. How do you fill the hole that opens when your significant other leaves you? 

We all know that as an adult you have to sensor yourself for certain people, you turn up for sunday roast at your grandmothers with a below the knee dress and a sweet smile, your potty mouth replaced temporarily with the vocabulary of a 7 year old, all rainbows and sunshine. He was one of only 3 people for whom I never bothered to think what word or phrase was going to come out of my mouth, he was the person I told every tiny detail of my life too, we regularly had conversations about what we had for dinner or the fact that there was a bird sat in the garden for 3 whole minutes! We all expect certain things out of life, the luxury of living in the west in a  well developed country means we all expect electricity and food and water and I also expected that along side that my life would always contain him. 

Being the standard millennial the first thing I did when I managed to stop shaking and crying was to google 'how to get over somebody' not surprisingly for 201, 318,000,000 results popped up. The very first is a website for professional counselling, I considered a click but decided I wasn't quite that bad as yet and should maybe wait till I had attempted going it alone. Theres then a few articles from Cosmo, which i hovered over but decided against. Then theres good old WikiHow! the saviour of many of my culinary disasters and so clearly a reliable source in this instance! The first few bullet points I take as a good point, let it out, don't get angry and frustrated, indulge yourself you are going through a hard time... then bullet number 5 I had a slight issue with, it caused a narrowing of my eyes followed by a raised eyebrow. The suggestion is to 'Listen to Happy Music' pardon?! what constitutes happy music? is this a hidden break up genre hidden from the coupled population till the need arises? Much of the rest is common sense, don't stalk them on social media, don't lurk outside their house throwing eggs, keep busy, take up knitting, throw away the 299 photos of you kissing. 

Anyway the point of this wasn't to throw shade at WikiHow, lord knows I LOVE it. The purpose was for me to admit to myself that I am single again and I am ok. I'm breathing and walking and talking and hopefully in the next 17-20 days I will crack a smile. So as per the highly scientific recommendations, I am off to indulge myself, I deserve to crack a smile and nothing brings a smile to my face faster than a new lipstick! 

xx